Old article: A Therapist Who's Been There Urges Sympathy for the 'Other Woman'

[Hidden]

This is an old article from the archives of People magazine that I've run across a few times -- A Therapist Who's Been There Urges Sympathy for the 'Other Woman'.  I think it's aged pretty well considering it's from the late 1980s. 


Some article tidbits ...

Having been cast first as wronged wife and later as mistress, she found that the latter role can be more psychologically punishing. "The married woman whose husband cheats on her gets support from the world," says Bitner. "But nobody gives support to the single woman who is having an affair with a married man."

Most affair partners don't advertise their role in an affair ... sometimes not even to those closest to them.  It's difficult to gain support when nobody knows.  And a reason to have a support forum for affair partners.

Was your goal to help these women accept "other womanhood" or to find ways to get out of the situation?

I wanted them to take it where they wanted to take it. In our group, if the women wanted to stay in the relationship, we would offer support for that decision. Several did decide that, but most of them left the relationship, even if it took a real act of will. One woman had to change the structure of her life in the workplace to avoid contact with her former lover.

This all sounds pretty familiar, doesn't it?

[Hope]

As you know, I had to completely move to another shift. My therapists said most the women she's worked with have had to change jobs.

I do know the OW is often viewed the worst and it's sad. Everyone feels bad for the wife.

That was the saddest and loneliness time of my life. The forum helped but I needed support outside to really make any necessary changes. I was so terrified of being judged and I was judged.