ClubTOW

Thanks, Zoe! I was never happy in the A but I did love Cam deeply which made ending it very difficult. I also spend 40 hours a week with him and neither of us took time off except for vacation. We also ate breakfast and lunch together daily as well as had sex several times a week for most of it. Early on daily and sometimes twice a day. Because of the nature of the job, we had a lot of flexibility. He'd tell me goodbye and I love you every day and then head home to his W.  That lasted 4 years, and it should have ended in 4 minutes. Nobody deserves that type of pain.

I have mentioned many times here that deep down, I didn't want to build a life with Cam. I have no reason today to question that, I know it is true. I did want him to love me, need me, and love/want me more than her. The truth is, he loved/needed us both. That is NOT how life works unless you are a greedy asshole (CAKEMAN).

I loved him and so many things about him but there were some things that I know I wouldn't have been happy with long-term. One is: I don't want kids and I don't want to raise someone else's. I also was unwilling to take on the financial burden. I never told him that, but I believe he knew.

OYF: I know what you mean, I think that more than anything I am angry at me for putting up with that for years. I knew he wasn't leaving and he never told me he would. I also never asked him to. Ever. I was soooo emotionally hooked.

Malost: Cam and Jim are both selfish, and because of that selfishness they aren't able to see it. That is why Cam keeps doing it, in his screwed up mind he thinks he's helping by giving someone a "little" love. EGO. He doesn't comprehend that by not giving all of his love, he is using and abusing women. OR, maybe he does know, but his selfishness keeps him doing it. Always remember, It isn't Jim's job to know and relieve your pain, it is yours.

> he had chosen her

Had he, though? If he'd chosen her, he wouldn't be with anyone else at the same time <all the hugs>

For me, the part that still makes me wince a little was that L *didn't* choose - he chose to not choose. And I chose to enable that. Never again! 

Loved these quotes:

“Oh sweetheart, he will never tell you all his secrets if you’re a secret.” ~ Alfa

“When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t.”
~ Louis C.K.

"Could you really love me out loud?"

> OYF: Mine wasn't looking for an "out" he was looking for someone who would ... put up with his crap forever

I think that's what L wanted too - hence why he wanted an "out", cos the missus was getting sick of his nonsense!    Looking back though, the  she put up with before they broke up... and the  his SO is putting up with...  Oy.  There will probably always be that small part of me that's a little bit in love with him - if that's what being somewhat fascinated by a person is - but, like you, I'm (finally) genuinely glad that we didn't get together.  I really cannot tolerate that level of playing victim. (Once, after we broke up the first time, he informed me - with absolutely no sense of irony whatsoever - that I had shown complete disrespect to his marriage by expressing my disgust that they'd been giving each other the silent treatment for days, with children in the house. Yeah okay, mate... the woman you're banging is the disrespectful one towards your "incredibly functional(!)" marriage! 

This "OMG, what was I *thinking*?!" moment was brought to you by the letter "Y?!"

This has been my experience too. L once told me that before we got close, he'd "noticed" another woman in our circle.  If it hadn't been me, it would've been someone else. He was looking for an "out", whether he admits it to himself or not.