"Don't Try This At Home"

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Don’t Try This at Home: Adultery in the Marital Bed ... an article from the NY Times. 

I'd bookmarked this article quite some time ago because I found it pretty intriguing.  I found myself curious as to how many OW have ever found themselves in MM's actual "marital bed" ... there aren't a lot of statistics available, but I'm under the impression not many OW (or MM) find themselves in this position judging by this article. 

Anyway, the comments section is pretty much what I would expect for this genre of article ... but I did come across one comment that made a lot of sense to me ... a portion of that comment:
"I would not recommend sleeping in someone else's marital bed. But neither do I condemn those who have made this choice as evil. They are simply people who are probably living in a marriage that is a sham. The marriage bed may have held love at one time, but by the time it becomes possible to have someone else in it, that love is long gone. Believe me."

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Mm and I have sex in his home and his bed more than anywhere else. Wow. Reading this article brought back, how, when it happened to me that was the first question I asked my x.  I have really become immune to wife's feelings since this a begun.  Time to sit back and think about others and stop being so selfish.

Thank you for this

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I think it happens more than most people want to admit.

It's happened in both homes for us.  I don't think it would have ever happened if we were still connected sexually with our spouses, because we weren't, and so there you have it.

Do I feel bad about it?  Knowing the history of the bed and how they slept (not traditionally being both under the covers) it doesn't really bother me.

Neither my H and I nor he and his W sleep in the same bed now.  They have both left the marital bed to sleep elsewhere ... so why not?

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Nope. Not that I condemn anyone who has. I've always had a huge separation of "church and state" in the past. We don't bring a lot of W talk into our relationships--she has always been a ghost. Consequently, the last place I'd ever want to be is her bed.

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Interesting article!

I think it happens a lot, for a myriad of reasons. Sometimes, it's just convenience. Sometimes, it really is some sort of subliminal "fuck you".

Nope. Not that I condemn anyone who has. I've always had a huge separation of "church and state" in the past.

That's pretty much my stance. I don't knock anyone for doing it. I never joined MM in his marital bed, nor would I. And he would never ask me to. I would never have brought a lover to my marital bed when I was still sharing one with H.

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the last place I'd ever want to be is her bed.

Bed, house any of it. GROSS.

I have had him to mine. We were together once in what used to be the marital bed and I have to say I felt guilty about it.  That is Dans' space and he has the right to not have another man in it. I think maybe once more Jack was here in the bed I now sleep in. Very scary!

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I've just realized I hadn't discussed this much myself ...

Sometimes, it really is some sort of subliminal "fuck you".

^^ I think this sums up Dole's feeling for the hows and whys of our ending up in his home the times we had, although if ever asked, he likely wouldn't have recognized it. 

Initially, I'd found myself more nervous (rather than feeling guilt) to be there, but he was firm in us being in HIS house (rather than considering it as THEIR house). 

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Initially, I'd found myself more nervous (rather than feeling guilt) to be there

That's exactly how I felt the one time I spent a night at Sun's home. I was scared about Ethel unexpectedly returning. I didn't feel any guilt, nor did I feel uncomfortable being there. We stayed in the guest room. He never would have brought me to their bed, and I would never have gone for that.

Sometimes, it really is some sort of subliminal "fuck you".

In my case, it was just taking advantage of an opportunity. It wasn't any type of "fuck you" to Ethel.